The Unoriginal and Very Much Heard Before Details of a Quarter Life Crisis
I would say no one warns you about the shift from your early 20’s to your late 20’s, but the truth is I’ve been warned since I turned 16. My much wiser but not so much older cousins have made sure to remind me annually, like the subscription to your local paper that no one really asked for but somehow keeps showing up at the end of your driveway. Like clockwork they’ll come to my house, take off their shoes, do the obligatory watered-down european kiss on each cheek, and then they’ll look me dead in the eyes and say:
“Remember, it’s all downhill from here.”
in a lighthearted, sarcastic tone- always followed with a laugh and a quick change of subject. At 16 I laughed, at 19 I chuckled, at 21 I smirked… and now at 25 I laughed a little too hard. The kind of laugh that warrants concern; the kind of laugh that’s just past the point of believability and has crossed over into forced territory.
I can still remember the first time I walked into a room and thought “am I too old to be here?” It was about 5 months before my 25th birthday, I went to New York with a few friends for a weekend of what we like to call feral rat behaviour. We hopped around a few bars and mistakenly ended up at an NYU frat bar- keep in mind we’re veterans of the local frat bars here in Toronto. Some would argue that in my youth (the moment right before this thought popped into my mind) the local frat bar was my bar of choice; the designated spot that guaranteed a good time. We walked into the bar with our perfectly slicked back Sofia Richie inspired buns and our carefully curated thrifted leather blazers, the bottoms of our cowboy boots sticking to the floor wondering why we felt so out of place. Could it be? Could the girls who still designate their weekends to 4 am last calls be too old for anything?
Since the moment that we without words collectively shared the idea that we were all well above the age of every other person in that bar, it’s been a recurring thought echoing in our minds. There were now spaces that existed where we could be potentially viewed as old. Naturally, we knighted this year of 25 as the year of our quarter life crisis- our existential era if you will. Suddenly my cousin’s words ringing in my ears started to make sense, we had reached the peak and we were climbing down the mountain; we could feel the pressure increasing.
People always warned me of this downhill climb- I was prepared for the gradual changes that happen in life. At this point relationships have come and gone, toxic friendships have dissolved, jobs have changed time and time again. Growth has happened for years, but no one talks about the moment everyone starts to move in different directions. No one tells you that the moment everything changes for your friends, acquaintances, frenemies- the moment their mindset shifts- may not be the same moment for you. We spend our early years moving at the same pace- together we attend preschoolelementaryschoolhighschool- every year blurring together; from this moment on every decision is yours to make and there are endless choices. For a while you’re still finding your footing, opportunities seem exciting rather than daunting- nothing feels set in stone, everyone still seems to be on the same page. But at some point you start to wonder, when did the sight of that Instagram proposal of someone from your year that you just can’t quite remember the last name of (something with a P? Maybe a G?) become average and not the gossip of the day in your group chat? When did your friends stop dating 3 at a time just for a good story to tell during your Uber ride downtown on a Friday night but rather for a serious long term relationship? When did it start to feel like every choice you make changes the trajectory of your entire future? And most importantly, when did it start to feel like everyone else is ten steps ahead?
With the constant cycle of my overthinking thoughts, I felt it was appropriate for me (with my 3 full months of being 25) to share what I have learned and all my infinite wisdom. The following is a culmination of my own inner monologue, some half-baked ideas pieced together from some self-help books (or more accurately self-help TikTok’s), and endless nights filled with long conversations and a few too many drinks with a few too many girls which I have decided completely encompasses all the essential things to remember when trying to navigate your mid-20’s.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. While everyone is most definitely in a different place, no one is ten steps ahead and everyone has no idea what they’re doing.
Your life does not need to fit any mold; there isn’t one path or one way to get to where you want to be. You might look at someone else’s life and try to retrace their steps and wonder why your life doesn’t look like theirs. The fact of the matter is you will have your own way of getting to that same exact spot.
Billy Joel was right when he said Vienna waits for you. Listen to Billy Joel every single time you feel like the world is moving too fast.
Life is about new experiences, push yourself to walk away from comfortable mundane routines, even if that means chasing a new dream every week.
Dating at any age is dramatic. Dating anyone is dramatic. Men or women or anything in between and outside of that are dramatic. Don’t expect to turn 25 and suddenly experience these relationships that are met with maturity and simplicity. That’s a lie. You will always care about the TikTok their ex refuses to take down no matter how old you get.
It really is less about the destination and more about the journey. The journey is the fun part so remember to enjoy it while it’s happening. Maybe play some Shania Twain on the way.
Everything in your life has a place and purpose. Accept it for what it is.
It’s never too late to take a risk or make a change. Go back to school, change your career, your style, where you live- entertain these fantasies and make them a reality.
It takes a minute to make a friend, it takes a lifetime to keep one.
Don’t spend your time worrying about the future, just live in the moment. Every decade of your life is enjoyable if you choose to enjoy it. Don’t be scared of agin